Hey guys!! Morning! Right now, i guess you guys are still dwelling with whatever subject in class...while here i am, typing away...about to begin telling about lots of stuff. So...here we go!
Firstly, wanshi, you keep telling me to write about bf and stuff. I'll do just that. But before that, i just want to tell you guys other stuff first. From the beginning i started the relationship (It was fine in the beginning), i began to feel that i'm slowly dragged into a jail, a cage, or whatever that deprives me from my freedom. Wanshi's right about that..I kept telling myself that maybe it's just cuz he needs more attention before he leaves. But because of that, i sacrificed my freedom, and i couldn't do anything that i wanted to do freely without any worries that someone might get disappointed or anything. There are lots of things that made me think of that, and eventually broke the band (you know, when people gets stressed, the stretchable rubber band breaks.. they use it on advertisement or whatever, anyway, ya, that). Bottomline: I can't stand it anymore. Anyway, i'll just tell you guys about the different cases..
Case1: Everytime when he sms and ask what i'm doing, and if i say i'm watching tv or chatting on msn or playing piano, he'll be kind of disappointed. Cuz he thinks that i regard doing those stuff more important than smsing him. But that's obviously not what i mean...you guys got the picture? And he said that i made him wait...ya...he waits for me to sms him. Ok..cuz on tv, there's this Detective Conan show for half an hour everyday. So i told him that from 5pm to 5.30pm if i don't sms you, it's cuz i'm watching conan. At first, he said ok..but slowly he still sms, and ask what i'm doing. I told him i'm watching conan, and he was like "why can't you sms while watching?" I was doing that..but everytime i do that, he'll say "cya, i won't disturb you first." See? So what does he want? I told him i can sms while watching, it's just that he doesn't want to. And he said that there's no point of smsing cuz my replies are slow...Well...duh..Cuz i wait for commercials and reply. That's reasonable right? At least i still reply. But he expects me to reply him like i'm doing nothing. And he said "A good gf can at least be willing to sacrifice their time for their bf who's doing nothing." He take it as if i can't live without watching Conan...So ya, it really gets ridiculous...So maybe, his bottomline is: Why do you have to watch Conan all the time when you can sms me? That's 1, next.
Case 2: One time, i told him i'm going swimming with my cousins. Then he seemed disappointed too. He said "Oh..so you can go out with your cousin ya..and you can't go out with me. I see.." Cuz i told him that my mum doesn't want me to go out too often and play. As in...logically thinking, it is a waste of time to go to the mall all the time just for the sake of going and cuz there's nth else to do. Why not do something more productive? Right? I know that's what my mum means...but ps just doesn't get it. And of course i can go out with my cousins...i mean.. they're family.. for goodness sake.
Case 3: I told him that my mum doesn't like it if i go out too often right? Ya.. then on Sunday, it's smth like family day kind of thing. My mum and i went to a mall to buy some stuff. I told him that. Then he said smth like "Your mum's weird. She doesn't want you to play, but she's the one who brings you out." What's that??? So it's my mum's fault for bringing me out?? Plus, it's not like i go there and hang out with her...we went there to buy stuff. Isn't that just too... unbelievably ridiculous?
Case 4: Wanshi, rmb i told you about the 07.07.07? Ya...we went to KBox on that day right? So i didn't sms him the whole time while i was with you guys. Can you imagine having to sms while in KBox having fun? That'll be irritating and annoying...so when in the evening i smsed to ask what he's doing, he was like "just dun care about me. just have fun with your friends" I was like telling him i didn't sms cuz i was chatting with you guys, so it wouldnt be nice to keep smsing while chatting with them. Then he said "Just tell your friends that you have to sms, i bet they'll understand. If they dun, then they're not good.." That sentence really got on my nerves...seriously. So...now what...it's my friends' fault for having to chat with me?? What's wrong with you?? It's like..having fun with you guys is a sin. It's as if i have to be like him.. nothing to do all day and have no fun. My goodness...
So ya, those 4 cases obviously just show that i have no freedom to be with whoever i like and have fun or anything. Right guys??
The last thing that really made me think is this..: I fell sick after i came back from sg. But on monday, which is today, i actually had to go to jkt to send my teacher off. PS's coming too.. but i fell sick. So i was like telling him on monday, if i'm still not that well, maybe i can't go to jkt. Then he said "If you can't go on monday, i'll be very disappointed and sad...cuz i've been waiting for that day to come for a long time. It's the only chance that i can go jkt with you. You know...you make me feel really bad right now. The feeling's like suddenly all the hope is gone.." You know at that time, it's not like i'm 100% sure that i can't go. Sp i kept telling him, don't worry, i might be able to go, so don't worry. But he just keeps saying do you care about it at all? Don't you worry at all if you can't go? Then i really had no choice but to ask him " Would you rather i still go on monday even if i'm sick and fall sick again and cancel the whole thing on weds (birthday...oh ya! 17! hehe^^)? Then he said "Ya but do you think that you can go? If i were you, i would say smth like ya it doesn't matter even if i'm sick, cuz i'll be with you and that'll make me feel much better.." It's just plain STUPID. RIGHT? Ok fine...ya...emotionally maybe ya, feels better, but physically? It's just the fact that i'm sick...you just go to accept it. It just makes me feel like he's forcing me to go..and he doesn't care about my health at all. On the phone, we still talked baout it, and i was telling him (giving in to him once again..) "Ok i think that i'm ok, i can go, but my parents? They don't allow me to go. What can i do?" Then he's like "Then fight for it. Just make them understand. I'm sure they will." Then i was like what if i keep telling them, but they just won't allow? Then...here comes the part where it's really a sign to me that maybe i should just stop this whole thing. He said "I'll try anything to go. So if they dun allow, then maybe i'll just lie to them that i need to do some stuff in school." Dude...parents aren't that stupid. They'll know you're lying...right? Like one moment, you're talking about jkt, next you're talking about some other stuff that you need to go to school. Obviously School=JKT. Plus...lying to my parents about smth that isn't beneficial to me at all, and in fact, could hurt me more, is just out of my principle. Like yeah i know it's better for me not to go jkt. That's why...why should i lie to my parents and go jkt and get sick?
In one sms, he said smth like "Do u think we suit each other? Sometimes i feel we dun" Ok he said that so what did i reply? I said "Yeah..sometimes i feel the same way too." Is that wrong for me to say that? Cuz you know what his reply was? He's like "Sigh.....your ans hurt me a lot....seriously..." So it's my fault again for hurting him by answering him that? I mean he said that first right? And i didn't even say that it hurts me or anything... Well maybe he's trying to test me or smth. Maybe he expects me to say smth like "No, we suit each other. Dun worry. bla bla bla" No way..cuz ya i feel that way too, so that's just what i'm going to tell you. Why should i lie to myself and say smth else to make him feel better? Then in another sms, he said smth like "Maybe we shouldnt be together in the first place ya.." See...if i were like him, i would've said smth like "That hurts a lot" and make him guilty and stuff...
I told Brian and my cousins, my sis and bro, my mum, and now you guys about it. And they all think that yeah, maybe i should just give ourselves a break. I really need one badly. Btw, surprisingly until now, i haven't shed even a tear. It just goes to tell me smth else...maybe my feelings for him just isn't deep enough. Maybe what i meant by love is not like that. If the love that i get is to deprive myself from my freedom, from you guys, my family and the life that i've always had...then i'd rather not take it. Brian's like "This time, you shouldn't give in to him anymore. You've always been the one who lets him...you need a break too." He's right. I do. So yeah...for my 17th birthday...i just want to celebrate it with myself...but seriously, i wish i'm there with you guys right now.
Oh well...here's what i learnt: If you want to be with someone in a serious relationship, make sure that you know that guy well, and be friends first. Cuz i think ps and i skipped the part where we're friends. So ya...rmb that guys! And family background is important. The way he leads his life does affect you...if his life is totally different, like mine and ps, then u better reconsider. Ya..cuz his life is like...nth to do..basically no family kind.. while me, i have lots of stuff to do..and i have my own family to care about. That's why.
So...i guess..that's it. And guys...seriously..am i heartless or what? Cuz until now, i feel that i should at least feel sad or smth..but i don't. Totally don't. In fact, i feel so relieved after sorting things out. So ya...i just don't want to continue doing things that i know is wrong. I hope this time, the decision's right.
Anyway, take care and all! Cya!
Winy
I miss you guys...
Names: [[Su Peng]] [[Xin Yi]] [[Wan Shi]] [[Winy]]
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
Hey guys!! Morning! Right now, i guess you guys are still dwelling with whatever subject in class...while here i am, typing away...about to begin telling about lots of stuff. So...here we go!
Firstly, wanshi, you keep telling me to write about bf and stuff. I'll do just that. But before that, i just want to tell you guys other stuff first. From the beginning i started the relationship (It was fine in the beginning), i began to feel that i'm slowly dragged into a jail, a cage, or whatever that deprives me from my freedom. Wanshi's right about that..I kept telling myself that maybe it's just cuz he needs more attention before he leaves. But because of that, i sacrificed my freedom, and i couldn't do anything that i wanted to do freely without any worries that someone might get disappointed or anything. There are lots of things that made me think of that, and eventually broke the band (you know, when people gets stressed, the stretchable rubber band breaks.. they use it on advertisement or whatever, anyway, ya, that). Bottomline: I can't stand it anymore. Anyway, i'll just tell you guys about the different cases..
Case1: Everytime when he sms and ask what i'm doing, and if i say i'm watching tv or chatting on msn or playing piano, he'll be kind of disappointed. Cuz he thinks that i regard doing those stuff more important than smsing him. But that's obviously not what i mean...you guys got the picture? And he said that i made him wait...ya...he waits for me to sms him. Ok..cuz on tv, there's this Detective Conan show for half an hour everyday. So i told him that from 5pm to 5.30pm if i don't sms you, it's cuz i'm watching conan. At first, he said ok..but slowly he still sms, and ask what i'm doing. I told him i'm watching conan, and he was like "why can't you sms while watching?" I was doing that..but everytime i do that, he'll say "cya, i won't disturb you first." See? So what does he want? I told him i can sms while watching, it's just that he doesn't want to. And he said that there's no point of smsing cuz my replies are slow...Well...duh..Cuz i wait for commercials and reply. That's reasonable right? At least i still reply. But he expects me to reply him like i'm doing nothing. And he said "A good gf can at least be willing to sacrifice their time for their bf who's doing nothing." He take it as if i can't live without watching Conan...So ya, it really gets ridiculous...So maybe, his bottomline is: Why do you have to watch Conan all the time when you can sms me? That's 1, next.
Case 2: One time, i told him i'm going swimming with my cousins. Then he seemed disappointed too. He said "Oh..so you can go out with your cousin ya..and you can't go out with me. I see.." Cuz i told him that my mum doesn't want me to go out too often and play. As in...logically thinking, it is a waste of time to go to the mall all the time just for the sake of going and cuz there's nth else to do. Why not do something more productive? Right? I know that's what my mum means...but ps just doesn't get it. And of course i can go out with my cousins...i mean.. they're family.. for goodness sake.
Case 3: I told him that my mum doesn't like it if i go out too often right? Ya.. then on Sunday, it's smth like family day kind of thing. My mum and i went to a mall to buy some stuff. I told him that. Then he said smth like "Your mum's weird. She doesn't want you to play, but she's the one who brings you out." What's that??? So it's my mum's fault for bringing me out?? Plus, it's not like i go there and hang out with her...we went there to buy stuff. Isn't that just too... unbelievably ridiculous?
Case 4: Wanshi, rmb i told you about the 07.07.07? Ya...we went to KBox on that day right? So i didn't sms him the whole time while i was with you guys. Can you imagine having to sms while in KBox having fun? That'll be irritating and annoying...so when in the evening i smsed to ask what he's doing, he was like "just dun care about me. just have fun with your friends" I was like telling him i didn't sms cuz i was chatting with you guys, so it wouldnt be nice to keep smsing while chatting with them. Then he said "Just tell your friends that you have to sms, i bet they'll understand. If they dun, then they're not good.." That sentence really got on my nerves...seriously. So...now what...it's my friends' fault for having to chat with me?? What's wrong with you?? It's like..having fun with you guys is a sin. It's as if i have to be like him.. nothing to do all day and have no fun. My goodness...
So ya, those 4 cases obviously just show that i have no freedom to be with whoever i like and have fun or anything. Right guys??
The last thing that really made me think is this..: I fell sick after i came back from sg. But on monday, which is today, i actually had to go to jkt to send my teacher off. PS's coming too.. but i fell sick. So i was like telling him on monday, if i'm still not that well, maybe i can't go to jkt. Then he said "If you can't go on monday, i'll be very disappointed and sad...cuz i've been waiting for that day to come for a long time. It's the only chance that i can go jkt with you. You know...you make me feel really bad right now. The feeling's like suddenly all the hope is gone.." You know at that time, it's not like i'm 100% sure that i can't go. Sp i kept telling him, don't worry, i might be able to go, so don't worry. But he just keeps saying do you care about it at all? Don't you worry at all if you can't go? Then i really had no choice but to ask him " Would you rather i still go on monday even if i'm sick and fall sick again and cancel the whole thing on weds (birthday...oh ya! 17! hehe^^)? Then he said "Ya but do you think that you can go? If i were you, i would say smth like ya it doesn't matter even if i'm sick, cuz i'll be with you and that'll make me feel much better.." It's just plain STUPID. RIGHT? Ok fine...ya...emotionally maybe ya, feels better, but physically? It's just the fact that i'm sick...you just go to accept it. It just makes me feel like he's forcing me to go..and he doesn't care about my health at all. On the phone, we still talked baout it, and i was telling him (giving in to him once again..) "Ok i think that i'm ok, i can go, but my parents? They don't allow me to go. What can i do?" Then he's like "Then fight for it. Just make them understand. I'm sure they will." Then i was like what if i keep telling them, but they just won't allow? Then...here comes the part where it's really a sign to me that maybe i should just stop this whole thing. He said "I'll try anything to go. So if they dun allow, then maybe i'll just lie to them that i need to do some stuff in school." Dude...parents aren't that stupid. They'll know you're lying...right? Like one moment, you're talking about jkt, next you're talking about some other stuff that you need to go to school. Obviously School=JKT. Plus...lying to my parents about smth that isn't beneficial to me at all, and in fact, could hurt me more, is just out of my principle. Like yeah i know it's better for me not to go jkt. That's why...why should i lie to my parents and go jkt and get sick?
In one sms, he said smth like "Do u think we suit each other? Sometimes i feel we dun" Ok he said that so what did i reply? I said "Yeah..sometimes i feel the same way too." Is that wrong for me to say that? Cuz you know what his reply was? He's like "Sigh.....your ans hurt me a lot....seriously..." So it's my fault again for hurting him by answering him that? I mean he said that first right? And i didn't even say that it hurts me or anything... Well maybe he's trying to test me or smth. Maybe he expects me to say smth like "No, we suit each other. Dun worry. bla bla bla" No way..cuz ya i feel that way too, so that's just what i'm going to tell you. Why should i lie to myself and say smth else to make him feel better? Then in another sms, he said smth like "Maybe we shouldnt be together in the first place ya.." See...if i were like him, i would've said smth like "That hurts a lot" and make him guilty and stuff...
I told Brian and my cousins, my sis and bro, my mum, and now you guys about it. And they all think that yeah, maybe i should just give ourselves a break. I really need one badly. Btw, surprisingly until now, i haven't shed even a tear. It just goes to tell me smth else...maybe my feelings for him just isn't deep enough. Maybe what i meant by love is not like that. If the love that i get is to deprive myself from my freedom, from you guys, my family and the life that i've always had...then i'd rather not take it. Brian's like "This time, you shouldn't give in to him anymore. You've always been the one who lets him...you need a break too." He's right. I do. So yeah...for my 17th birthday...i just want to celebrate it with myself...but seriously, i wish i'm there with you guys right now.
Oh well...here's what i learnt: If you want to be with someone in a serious relationship, make sure that you know that guy well, and be friends first. Cuz i think ps and i skipped the part where we're friends. So ya...rmb that guys! And family background is important. The way he leads his life does affect you...if his life is totally different, like mine and ps, then u better reconsider. Ya..cuz his life is like...nth to do..basically no family kind.. while me, i have lots of stuff to do..and i have my own family to care about. That's why.
So...i guess..that's it. And guys...seriously..am i heartless or what? Cuz until now, i feel that i should at least feel sad or smth..but i don't. Totally don't. In fact, i feel so relieved after sorting things out. So ya...i just don't want to continue doing things that i know is wrong. I hope this time, the decision's right.
Anyway, take care and all! Cya!
Winy
I miss you guys...